Then came the "romantic" track. There was no song, no dance. Instead, the hero vomited behind a bush while the heroine—a woman with a single, continuous frown—collected rainwater in a chipped cup. They kissed. It was described in the script as "a collision of wounds." On screen, it looked like two turtles fighting over a wilted lettuce leaf.

The film began.

"Why is everything so dirty?" his wife hissed. "Where is the color? Where is the fun?"

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